You,

For the times that i hate you it hurts so badly deeply inside even i did not know why you ever did that to me. I might leave for just one reason and that reason could be not less than you. Because you never know how many time it struck right in front of my blind folded eyes and I could not help but notice and keep it to myself, as I am one of the kind of silence. And so i have this House to cheer me up with the cat that reminds me of you. Its so warm and peace the weather is cold and gray, the sadness is inside and empty when you left me for work while you did not even try to reveal my wound that bleeds. Thank you for being such an understanding person that could scratch and stretch this precious mind and soul after poisoning the undead body. && Im sorry I have lost the joyful and fun colors that lingers, it feels expelled away from this cerebrum. You are just perfect.

Me

PORTRAIT

I have seen a one completely different person from I have once knew. Its permanent and its pale. There is nothing we can do but watch. And it looked as it is perfect. I know, we know.

Some ordinary unspecific hot sunny day without an angel bless of wide sky up ahead, Im living on my own. I dont feel alive, sometimes. I barely think of the sun and the moon. I only want them to happen. I fall so deep I could not realize more than this. And so I just let it go. 

On the other moment of this significant life, I want to scream and let go of myself. I want to get out from this passion, I want to be with myself and the others. I want to do things that I wanted to, and I dont want the mind & soul to be part of it. I want to dance under the moonlight and make the ware wolfs run to chase this sacred blood of its own. I want to be free from this curse, its hectic but the color of its beauty has made me untouched the ground, lifted me up and awayy. But living deep in this diamond silky sky made me wounded with its spellbound. 

This poison is forever.

A

What a long distance that separated us. We used to be so close. I didn't mean we are not close now, but yesterday was wayy closer. I still remember how we argued about stupid stuffs, sebagai contoh kasut cinderella. And we also passionately always got into a cat-fight. I dont really remember why that one day I extremely gewam with you && terbagi cakar harimaww *meow* ( kalau orang tua kata buat penambah mesra, LOL ) You cried-out-loud and yes ada some claw scratches on you hands ( and a bit on your back, I think ) but after a while,, we are out in our skate shoes for some evening mengusik-anjing-orang-belakang session. Haha, that uncle cina got a lot of dogs and we took some pebbles, genggam kt tangan kanan and baca some 'mantera' which nenek had taught us kalau nak halau anjing. And the other beautiful evening we will be in front of the black-moving-picture-box a.k.a TV watching power rangers at 5.30 pm ( itupun sometimes we have to bertarung baling baling lego with atuk to rebut the tv ) and nenek will screammm at us to stop fighting like a small kid. Well we are small kids, that is why atok always bought us a pack of jelly to share with when atok pergi jalan jalan gunting rambut or wtv he did when he was strong enough to walk that time. We always share that one pack, and make a mess out of it, then there goes nenek nagging and bebel-ing ; " korang ni jangan buat sepah boleh tak! bla bla bla bla " ( with a bit of jawa essence ) & you and I will start chasing each other claiming to be power rangers pink. I remembered how badly I dont want to be the yellow one sebab yang yellow tu hitam. Memang patut pun, skang kan dah jadi hitam. Grrr! >:o There is this one day, kakak sakit and I didnt have anyone to play with. I though she was sick and going to leave me sebab mak ngah took her and bawa pergi hospital. I cried like there-was-no-tomorrow-without-you in front of the grill sambil mengoncang goncangkan grill tu tanda nak ikut. I didnt know what happened after that, but what I could recall was she was there ( again ), beside me; lying as she's sleeping.
Yes, this two little cute monster ( kinda, a bit noisy, fun and energetic ) have grown up to reach for our own dreams. Skip the sekolahs; she is my guardian angel time sekolah rendah, veryy protective and loving <3 but we didnt go to the same sekolah menengah. And so, we did moved in our own path.
Time changes everything that it can but not us ( I really hope not ) She is one grown up girl that shares the blood of the royalties and cookies, plus the movies and some boy-gossiping that I could never replace, NEVER. And now we are no more teen-things. The real world is there to face it alone,, but she always got my back & so do I. Even sometimes we barely keep in touch, deep inside I will always have this big sister signed-sealed-delivered and yeahh I admit I miss her around. And the gossips while munching SK. And the laugh-out-loud time together. And the good-girl-gone-bad things.
I hope this distance we had in our mind does not takes this bonding apart. I want to always win " The Best Little Sister, Ever " and hangout with you, even in the coming twenty years time. Thank you God for giving me the best big sister that only I could ever have in this little hectic world, I am grateful (':

DEFINE LOVE